Ordinary Time and a butterfly...

There are times when ordinary time can be extraordinary.  I had the opportunity to make an 8 day retreat at the Jesuit Spiritual Center in Wernersville, Pennsylvania.  For many years, I have brought my camera with me when I make a retreat because the photographs bring back memories of the time I have spent on "vacation" with my God.  I took this photograph one day when I was walking down a lovely path - and I noticed the thistle flower.  Thistles are not terribly appealing in and of themselves, but I find the flowers very beautiful.  There were several tiny butterflies (or maybe they are moths) quickly flitting from one flower to another of the many wildflowers that were in this particular area.  Then, all of a sudden, this creature gently perched on the lovely purple flower - in fact, it perched long enough for me to look at it with wonder, and focus on it with the long-distance close-up lens.  I had no idea how clear the picture was until I saw it on the computer!

Somehow, the thistle reminds me of myself, as does the butterfly.  I can give the appearance of being prickly, or thinking of myself as unable to be reached by God in my prayer, and yet, the thistle flower reminds me that God has created me in his own image.  Not only that, but God has created all of us in his image.  The thistle flower would not be showing its beauty if it was not attached to its roots and to the rest of the plant.  So, by its flowering, it leaves itself open to a 'visitation'.  I did note that the butterfly landed on the flower and not the catchy part.  The flower left itself open to the freedom of the visitor, not to act as a trap or a nuissance.

The butterfly reminded me of myself. During my retreat I flitted from plant to plant, to trees and tree roots, to wheat fields, to the swimming pool, to a rolling green lawn, to a chapel, to my room, having a grand time with my friend Jesus. But in between the many flittings, I also remained in gentle, quiet, contemplation of Jesus who looked at me as I am, seeing all the beauty and the prickles, challenging me to be open to see myself in His eyes as well as to see those with whom I live and minister with in his eyes as well.  This led me to a big surprise.  What I saw was predominantly beauty; I recognized more gifts than faults.  And when I saw prickles, I also saw Jesus saying "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."  And I was included in this!

I wandered with the resurrected Jesus in my prayer.  What a great friend!  But, as the apostles and Thomas, I saw his wounds from which he did not flinch.  And Jesus saw my woundedness and I felt ashamed.  But there was no shame in the eyes of Jesus.  I believe he was reminding me that His wounds are His, and my wounds are mine.  His whole being seemed to proclaim that He loves me with all of my woundedness just as I am - and He loves my trying to know and love him better, as well as to love and know others better just as He does.  The woundedness is not an issue upon which His eyes focus, but rather on my prayer, which stems from our RSHM constitutions and a George Harrison long-ago song..."My sweet Lord, I really want to know you...I really want to go with you" 

And I found Jesus to be a true and faithful friend as I wandered through the mystery of the road to Emmaus and found that I recognized Him in the beauty around me, and the entire spirit of the retreatants at Wernersville.  In fact, I found that rather than walking where I had planned, I got lost on the property and travelled to find more unexpected beauty - wildflowers which popped up around the base of a tree which had been chopped down. What could have appeared to be death or destruction was a promise of life to come!  And it came as I allowed myself to enjoy the loveliness of the road I had not planned to travel.

Somehow, as a result of this retreat, I am more aware of Jesus' friendship than ever before.   I also began to recognize the ways in which Jesus never barged in or intruded into my life, but, rather, He has always approached with freedom, inviting my freedom to welcome Him.  And His main expectations seem to be to call me His friend, to recognize my gifts, and to help me to see with His vision.  Sometimes it is to see the large picture of the beauty around me, and sometimes it is to use the closer lens of the eyes of my heart.  I pray that I may learn more and more to use Jesus' lens to view the world and all of creation.

Reflections on the Feast of Pentecost and the Gift of the Spirit

I have looked forward to the Feast of Pentecost since these tiny white flowers appeared on our lawn a few weeks ago.  I am not sure what they are, or how they grew on the lawn, for none of my community planted them, but they seemed a lovely surprise.  I searched the web and I think they are called Star of Bethlehem.  They evidently grow from a bulb (probably planted by a local squirrel), but our local ravenous deer ate them the next day, so I couldn't check the roots.  If they are Star of Bethlehem, they are evidently a quickly propagating wildflower.  And, isn't that just like the Holy Spirit!  The Spirit comes to me, most frequently, by surprise!  And I hope, the effects of the Spirit with me and with others in the world propagates very rapidly (and doesn't have a fattened deer to whisk away the good effects).

The Spirit, of course, entered my life through the gift of the sacraments and through the gift of my religious profession.  I am aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit in our community room when we pray together each morning.  As we share our prayer and reflections, it is so clear that each person receives the gifts she needs in a different way as we reflect on the liturgy of the day together.  And this is a source of great nourishment for each of us in community together.

I certainly know this Person of the Trinity through Scripture and Liturgy, but also through the wonder and awe I experience in creation.  When I took this photograph I had not seen a rainbow for very man years.  I was on an 8 day silent retreat, and was filled with cosmic wonder and awe at the beauty of the sky, the inner reverence I experienced, and the reality that I was not alone in the enjoyment of this silent exquisite sky event. It was a delightful way to know and feel the presence of the Spirit in the "great outdoors" as all was transformed for a few minutes.

Another quiet Spirit experience for me is having the time to look at the the utter simplicity of a daisy.  When I looked closely at my picture for the first time, I noticed that there was a small insect on one of the left petals, and that the petals were not "perfectly spaced".  Yet I experienced it as beautiful.  Somehow, I realized I was being reminded that simplicity in this very complex world is very important, that neither I nor anyone else is perfect, and that all of us can be beautiful just as we are.  But to recognized that on an every day basis really requires the gifts of the Spirit in great abundance.  It is so easy to become annoyed with petty things, to criticize the imperfect in others and to lose compassion for all.  How different the world would be if all of us remembered the simple daisy.

When I was collecting my thoughts to write this blog entry, I looked at some photographs I had taken at our General Chapter in Rome a few years ago.  I had entitled this photograph: :Active Listening:"  I have experienced Active Listening and have attempted it.  This type of listening means listening to the other person without thinking about what I want to say while she is talking - i.e. not interrupting her communication by focussing on my thoughts, but rather giving my total attention to her.  It is far simpler than agreeing or disagreeing.  It is non-judgmental listening.  I believe that is how the Holy Spirit listens to each one of us - really listens.  The Spirit hears our delight, our groaning, our intercessions, our hopes.  I have been listened to in this way in some personal relationships, and it is a very life-giving experience.  And, I believe that is the way the Spirit is with each of us.  Of course, it helps if we take time to listen actively to the Spirit as well.

This experience can take the form of gratitude for great joy, comfort in the time of great trial, hope for the future, compassion for the marginalized, being fascinated with God.  It can be sudden with a big Ah-Ah; or it can be as silent as the flutter of a butterfly's wings.  For the Spirit knows when we need a WOW! or a pervasive gentle silence.

This is what I celebrate today.  HAPPY PENTECOST!

I put together a video of my reflections on the gift of the Spirit on our RSHM web site at:

http://www.rshm.org/prayer3/pentecost/index.html

If you have 4 minutes, find a quiet spot and view it with or without the accompanying music.  May the Spirit speak to you in whatever way you need God's presence!

Account of the faith of St. Stephen

This week, I have been fascinated with St. Stephen.  He was appointed as one of the first deacons, and he is revered as the first martyr of the early Church; yet little else is known about him.  Articles have been written suggesting he was a convert from Judaism, or, perhaps, a convert from Hellenism.  Nevertheless, what is very clear to me is that his faith in Jesus was powerful!

I wonder if Stephen knew Jesus personally, or, if Stephen, like myself, came to know Jesus the way in which any of us born in the 20th century have come to know Jesus - through the faith of others, and through our personal relationship with Jesus as a result of that faith.  I know that I seek to know Jesus and live the way Jesus lived, yet I certainly don't have the incredible enthusiasm and zeal that Stephen had.

Somehow, Stephen, in the very early Church, before Christology became a formal study, and while people were still talking about their personal experiences of meeting Jesus and witnessing His healings and His teachings, somehow Stephen got to know Jesus.  This personal knowledge really seemed to fill him with a personal 'fire' for proclaiming the wonder of Jesus' resurrection and the fact that Jesus is our Savior.  He did this before all sorts of people, and, when proclaiming Jesus in front of the 'wrong people' angered them to the point of being stoned to death for his belief.  And, as he was dying, he was able to proclaim that he was commending his spirit to Jesus and forgiving those who stoned him.

This is, to me, incredible faith.  I pray for an increase of faith so that I may live in the way of Jesus.  I don't have the gifts of powerful oration or of healing, but rather, I have the gifts of trying each day to be faithful to the way of life that Jesus lived.  It is an ordinary life, a good life and I am grateful for it.  And, I'm also grateful that no one has wished to physically stone me as they stoned Stephen.

I pray for those who have the courage to stand up for their faith in spite of some of the terrible adversity they experience.

The Easter Season

The Easter Season is very special to me, and I put together a photo video, Easter Video Reflection using some Creative Commons music written by Maya Filipic in the album Between Two Worlds. as background music.  In addition, I collected some Easter reflections from some of the Religious of the Sacred Heart of Mary and added them to our RSHM webste.

I am so happy to live in the Northeastern United States, for the lighting of the Easter candle and the singing of "Christ our Light" really fills me with a heartfelt "Thanks be to God"!  All of nature reminds me that Christ, our Light, has come to transform us into His light for the world.  Sunrise is earlier, days are longer, and all of nature is bursting forth with new life.

I helped with the music for the Easter Triduum retreat at Cormaria in Sag Harbor. Somehow, this year, the words of the Morning Prayer and the singing of parts of the Gospel of John really moved me to a deeper understanding of the Paschal Mystery.  The theme of the retreat was KINDNESS.  Somehow, this word seems like such a simple word.  Doesn't everyone want to be treated with kindness? I certainly know that I do.  But when one looks at Jesus, and sees how he treats others, kindness somehow becomes a challenge.

• Remember how Jesus eats with the unloved...sinners, tax collectors...
• Remember how Jesus heals the untouchables - lepers, the woman with the hemmorrhage...
• Remember how Jesus washes the (perhaps not just filthy, but also odoriferous) feet of the disciples.
• See how Jesus treats the crucified thief who asks to be remembered,  "This day you will be with me in Paradise."  Wow! 

The kindness of Jesus somehow extends into an openness to all persons, male and female, no matter how they treat him.  Occasionally he needs a bit of challenge (e.g. from the Syrophonecian woman), but he lets his love extend to all.  That kind of kindness is really hard as I look at those I would rather tolerate than respect; those I would rather avoid than respond to.  Somehow I want to choose more and more each day to let myself be transformed by the love of Christ so that I really really try to love all people with full respect for who they are.  This type of kindness seems to be the message that Easter is giving to me this year.  Perhaps each day, this can be my gift to the world - a little more love freely given from an open heart. My negative side of myself wants to say "Impossible".  However, I have met people, especially some in my own RSHM community, who really have made a habit of living this way as they let themselves be transformed.  So, I KNOW it is possible.

May the LIGHT OF CHRIST live in us that

ALL MAY HAVE LIFE!

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Feast of the Annunciation - "Yes" Day

I think of today, the Feast of the Annunciation as a "Yes" day - a day of renewal and recommitment to God.  The Gospel for the day reminds us of Mary's "Yes", in spite of initially needing to ponder why an angel visited her, and how her "yes" would be fleshed out.  And that "Yes" was absolutely wholehearted and to be carried out for her entire life.  She certainly did not know what her life would bring.  And, I am convinced, that when Jesus was two years old, she needed to help him change his two-year-old "No" which must have been part of his growing self-identity, into the "Yes" he had always said to his Father, his Abba.  And, the more both Mary and Jesus said "Yes", the deeper their faith and trust and hope in God's promise of fidelity grew.

I was thinking today of Sr. Letizia Pappalardo, my friend, who returned to her God on March 6th.  I am sure that when she first said "Yes" to being an RSHM, she did not really know that she would be a teacher, a principal, a person who helped persons with drug addictions to return to productive lives, a provincial, a person who helped to empower trafficked women, etc.  From living with her, I suspect that her initial "yes" evolved from the love of her family, and her personal desire to love and respect all people.  This was, I believe, a great gift that she shared with many as they desired to say their own "Yes" to what they slowly or quickly perceived to be the call of God.  And, in her last days, I know she said "Yes" to returning to the Lord.

I pray that more and more people, especially myself, spend this special day and time renewing their "Yes".  It might have started with becoming a religious, or falling in love with another wonderful person, or spending a single life in service to others.  There are so many calls and so many gifts, and our "Yes" grows as we grow in our gifts and respond to the needs we see around us.  No one ever said the "Yes" is easy to continue after the 'honeymoon' stage.  However, reflecting on my own "Yeses", I am so grateful for the calls to which I have responded, as well as the hope to be faithful to those that come as my life evolves.

P.S. it is a photo of me at the top of this posting.

From Winter to Spring during Lent

This has been an amazing season.  The last time I wrote on this blog, the robins had arrived on a warmish day in February.  And then it was snowing and snowing and snowing... I never liked snow, and I was almost horrified to look out the window and to see, not only our trees, but also our power lines, thickly covered with snow.  The snow was relentless  for almost three days.  During this time, we lost power for about 26 hours, and I found myself filled with gratitude to God.  Yes, when the power went out, the house was very cold, and the local roads were impassable, but my community members and I were all safe, and we had running water.  In addition, though we could not cook, (our stove is electric), we had plenty of edible food in the refrigerator.  Lastly, we had  warm clothing we could wear in layers, as well as blankets; and we had the day off!  It was amazing to be stuffed in several sets of clothing, thankful for it, and to think of and pray for those who were outside without food or shelter, or those who were risking their lives or their health, plowing roads, clearing railroad tracks, and fixing problems with electric power.  So much for which to be grateful. So many who are needy and powerless who need help.

The morning after the snow stopped, it was hard to believe that the sun was shining.  I took this photo shortly after sunrise, and I could not really capture the incredible awe I experienced as I viewed a sky turning blue and shining on trees in the background, while the trees in the foreground were still dark.  After all the darkness of the day before, and in spite of the fact that it was Lent, I found myself reflecting on the wonder of the Paschal Mystery.  How the light of Jesus can transform the darkness of this world, if only we allow this to happen. I could feel some of this within myself as I reconfirmed one of my  goals of 2010, which is to make greater efforts to see what is positive and hopeful in others - i.e. to try a new form of judgment, namely, to try to recognize the blessings before me.  And, I think that for the first time in my life, I felt a freedom as I looked at the snow-laced beauty in front of me. Yes, it is possible to recognize the beauty in those I just tolerate, rather than really respect, if I seek to recognize the gifts.

Then I heard the news - Chile had experienced a monstrous earthquake.  I prayed for those who had died, those who needed hope as they found themselves trapped in destroyed buildings, those who were injured and terrified and now homeless - all in a few moments time.  I could not imagine the horror, except for seeing the news reports from Haiti.  And now there was another country with suffering people.  I looked at the beauty around me in the sun of a new day, and begged God to take care of the living in Haiti and Chile, to inspire the doctors and rescue workers, and to give great wisdom to those who know how to raise funds.  And, we, as a local and provincial community did what we could, and watched the graced response of those who contributed finances, clothing, food and great talent to help those living the Passion of Jesus in the midst of more and more earth tremors.

During this month, I also shared the tremors of pain experienced by some of my acquaintances who had agreed to accept treatment for patterns of addiction in their lives.  Acknowledgment of these problems is painful and involves fortitude and many new life style choices.  I pray for their strength, and I find myself respecting them deeply for the metanoia they seek.  New life is often hard to choose, and even more difficult to pursue with fidelity.  Let us all pray for one another to seek that real LIFE that we were summoned with in the book of Deuteronomy: "Choose Life, than so that you and your descendants may live".  My whole community is about life - we wear  it on cross we receive at profession: "Ut vitam habeant" - "That all may have life:"  We are all called to respect one another and ourselves and to share, to the best of our ability, the life we have been so freely given.  This thought leaves me with a big WOW!

After the experience of nature moving from darkness to light, I never expected another onslaught.  We heard reports of theheavy rainstorms that were coming, but never thought of the damage and havoc it could wreak. Following the rain, most of our neighborhood looked like this - downed trees, loosely hanging power lines and telephone lines, and the constant danger of more and more falling trees and branches. Here we were again, without power, this time for almost two full days on a weekend. However, the weather was warmer, and, though we could not really leave our neighborhood safely for one day, again it was a time of gratitude for warm clothing, food and shelter.

My main concern was for the sisters in Marymount Convent who were elderly, but it was the first time I ever thought of thanking Con Edison, for they got the power back there in about 27 hours. I was privileged to be able to walk over, help with serving meals in the dark, and visited some sisters with whom I shared some great laughs, especially the sister who introduced me to classical music with "The Merry Pranks of Till Eulenspiegel". It is such a gift to share remembrance of beauty and to have some wonderful laughter. We actually brightened up the corridor that day with gratitude for music and some memories of the gifts of the past. My most profound experience was witnessing the generosity and caring of the sisters in charge of Marymount Convent and the members of the Convent staff as they created a safe and loving atmosphere for all our elderly who have witnessed that spirit of service to us in the past.

As if the snow and rain weren't enough of a mess, our roads have had constant signs of DETOUR.  The village is finally putting in the pipes for the fire hydrants in the area.  One lane of the two lane roads has been dug up and the huge pipes installed by skilled construction workers.  The means of getting in and out of driveways during this construction have been challenging, often requiring the workers to stop what they are doing, and move backhoes or huge metal plates to let us and our neighbors gain access to our homes.  I have been really impressed with these men, most especially when they have been working for 12 hours, when they listen to our needs with great respect and do what they can to make a very messy road condition into one of human understanding and compassion.

All of this month has been, in a sense, a DETOUR for me - experiencing the unexpected, and finding gratitude for moments I would not have considered gifts in the past: safety and shelter without electricity in the winter, incredible gratitude for the beauty of sun on snow even without heat in the house, the compassion of construction workers in a situation which called all of the neighborhood to change our usual routines.  Maybe this is what the call of Lent is all about.  Maybe we all need a DETOUR to find the good in what, at first, looks unacceptable to us.  I am very grateful for the experience of the past month.  It has not been one of merely tolerating my environment or the people in it.  It has been a time of gratitude for all.

In the midst of all
Spring with lighter days
has arrived!

 

February and Lent

This, so far, has been a month with many happenings.  We have gone from big snowstorms to a springlike day with robins eating the berries on our holly bush outside our dining room window.

I have never seen robins in February before - actually a flock of robins, all with fat orange-red breasts - and, mostly in pairs, descending to eat the multitudinous berries on the bush.  As of today, there is not a single berry on the bush and it is, once again, just as last week, overburdened with the snow which is heavily coming down.

As nature changed each day this month, so have my reflections.  One reflection was on Sr. Patrick Joseph Cahill who went to God after battling many illnesses since she moved to our retirement home for religious.  In spite of her suffering, she spent the past several years with a smile, helping others in many ways, giving others lessons with a "grabber" device, offering kind words, preparing prayer for the sisters, lectoring, using her computer skills, visiting.  How wonderful to reflect on the gifts she shared with others in spite of her infirmity.

February brought the blessing of throats to our parish, and many worshipers to Mass for Ash Wednesday.  I was so moved by these people, mostly struggling immigrants, who came to share their hopes for the season ahead.  I suspect that they, like I, have heard the question asked of Peter by Jesus on the feast of the Chair of St. Peter: "Who do you say that I am".

My reflections also moved towards the closing of the celebration of the 200th anniversary of the birth of our foundress, Mother St. Jean, a courageous woman, who, after the death of her husband, followed her call to serve women and children in Béziers, France, leaving all her wealth to "know and love God, make God known and loved, and proclaim that Jesus Christ has come in order that all may have life".  That's my call too, and I find it rather awesome.

I have reflected on my ministry at the Fordham Westchester Library.  Each day I meet our graduate students, many in social work, who are doing research papers, and who really want to live their lives in service of others.  It is amazing to hear some of these women and men express the fact that they are experiencing a call, and trying to develop their skills at their own expense and with the task of writing papers with difficult reference standards, doing an internship, and balancing their lives with their families. I pray for them and live in awe of their dedication.

And the whole month has brought me and so many of us in the US to reflect on the tragedy of the earthquake followed by huge tremors in Haiti.  It is a time to thank God for the safety we have experienced in our lives and to pray for the comfort and consolation of those who have suffered in ways I cannot even imagine.  And, though we could contribute to help them, we are at a distance and feel inadequate.  The horror becomes more real to me when I realize that our student volunteers are going to help the people of New Orleans who live in desolate conditions several years after Katrina.  I often ask how Lent and the problem of human pain and suffering can make sense.  Sometimes I recognize the gift of Jesus offering Himself to us for salvation, but the human suffering we have witnessed in Haiti, New Orleans, war-torn countries, leaves me begging Jesus for an ever deepening understanding of this mystery.

Then there is the question of Lent - what is it really about.  I had a bit of an insight the other day when we were praying about the people of Nineveh.  Jonah was preaching doom and gloom, actually hoping the Ninevites would be destroyed.  Yet, the Ninevites, especially the king, had a glimpse that God was utterly merciful, would really listen to their prayers if they changed their hearts, and, as a result, changed their ways.  So, I have looked at my gifts and the gifts of others in the various communities which are a part of my life and asked myself:  How can I better see the gifts of others? How can I as a person be more respectful of the gifts and less sensitive to the faults of others?  How can I listen better, hear better? How can I let Jesus transform me through my flittings around daily life?  Perhaps the Lenten fasting this year is mostly about lookiing for the good in all of creation, being thankful, allowing awe to touch my heart, and to give up the burdens of criticism and harsh judgment which are so often part of me. How do I let others know that the mercy of Jesus' gift of salvation has really touched me and are, ever so gently, but firmy, touching me more and more each day.